How To Be A Refined Woman | Alyssa J Cori: How To Be A Refined Woman

June 9, 2016

How To Be A Refined Woman

If you haven't noticed, I have a bit of an obsession with etiquette, and the queen of etiquette, Emily Post. The fact that her legacy is kept alive by her descendants at the Emily Post Institute makes me so happy (if you can't get enough of my posts on etiquette, be sure to hop over there). In my pursuit to continually improve myself and share with all of you how you can elevate yourself, I thought this principle of Mrs. Post would be helpful to consider.
How To Be A Refined Woman

“The attributes of a great lady may still be found in the rule of the four S's: Sincerity, Simplicity, Sympathy and Serenity.”

We all want to be great ladies, right? But how do we implement the four S's in our daily lives? Here are some ideas for how to embody this Emily Post principle.


"We should totally grab lunch soon." "It's not a big deal, don't worry about it." How many times have we all said something like this when we know it isn't true? Being insincere is detrimental to both the other person and you. Leading others to believe that their actions didn't hurt you or that you have particular intentions when in fact you do not, is unkind and dishonest. It can also create expectations of you that you neither want nor can live up to. The mark of a refined woman is her ability to merge honesty and kindness into sincerity. 


Simplicity and minimalism are everything to me (note: the original title of this blog was "Keep It Simple")! Simplicity of possessions, your digital life, you priorities, your speech, etc can all contribute to you living a purposeful and valuable life. I am a firm believer that simple is often more elegant (in what we wear and eat and how we decorate and...) and it also helps us to focus on what really matters and is important to us. Take the time to consciously decide to take the simple, less complicated route in your daily life.


You never know what someone else has experienced or what they are going through. Ever. So being sympathetic and choosing kindness in all of your interactions is the best way to guide your actions. You won't regret choosing the high road and acting tenderly, but you may very well come to regret speaking harshly or being unforgiving.


Often, we are worked up because we have so much to do and are just so busy, and we get validation from our seeming importance when our time is in demand. Being serene and taking the necessary time to recenter ourselves can be immensely beneficial. Serenity comes from a place of satisfaction and contentment with where we are. Accepting that we are exactly where we need to be will translate to having more meaningful and focused interactions. You know, the kind that feed your soul and rejuvenate you. Try intentionally setting aside some time to catch up with a friend and relax in each others' company.  

These rules of Emily Post can guide us as we seek to live refined lives that center on doing the right thing by ourselves and others.

What do you think of the four S's? Have you put any to practice in your life?


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