Alyssa J Freitas

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Don't Let Others Control Your Happiness

"Damn it! Why aren't they texting me back?" "Why are they ALWAYS late for dinner?" "Why did they say they could do it if they weren't planning on following through?"

Do you ever experience these thoughts? I know I do on a daily basis! I can go from feeling on the top of the world, satisfied and happy with how my life is progressing, to completely bummed out when the actions of others do not align with the plan or expectation in my head. Isn't it crazy to think that the actions (or lack thereof) of others have such a strong affect on our happiness?

Don't Let Others Control Your Happiness | alyssajfreitas.com

This frustrates me to no end. I get caught in a cycle of believing that once x, y, z happens I will finally be happy and my life will be where I want it. The trouble with this thinking is that it leaves my satisfaction in the hands of others and in external factors instead of coming from me.

As a control enthusiast (such a nicer term than control freak, no?) I find it difficult to accept that I can not dictate others' actions. "What do you mean I can't just tell them to do it and they will?" Well sorry sister, but people are going to do what they are going to do and you don't have too much of a say. Falling into the trap of believing that you have power over the actions and feelings of others (through your words, or influence, or whatever) is such a mistake. Of course, it is one that we all make very often. This only serves to leave us feeling even more out of control and disappointed, so how can we stop allowing ourselves to do this?

Accept that you can only do so much.
When it comes to dealing with others you can only do your best and leave the rest up to them. You can go on the best interview or date or whatever of your life but some people just aren't going to take the steps you want. And that's ok! I'm not a huge fan of the "everything happens for a reason" mentality, but I do believe that where one door closes another one will open. You just have to keep finding a door to knock on. Knowing when you have done all you can reasonably do and letting go after that is the goal.

Be forgiving, but know your standards.
People are going to make mistakes. YOU are going to make mistakes, so we all need to incorporate forgiveness into our relationships and life. You can't hope to be happy if you create an environment where anger and grudges are the norm. However, there is no excuse or reason to compromise your standards and expectations if someone is not meeting them (assuming of course that you have reasonable expectations. That can be another post for another day...). If you are continually upset after interacting with someone then it is probably time to let them go.

Put it into perspective. 
Perspective is something I've blogged about before because I truly believe in it being an essential way to see how fortunate you are. I tend to put too much importance on events and actions which are outside of my control. Sure the outcome may have an effect on my life, but if I can't do anything about it why waste time and energy worrying about it? Answer: there is no reason. Stopping yourself can be difficult, but it is a simple case of mind over matter.

Don't Put The Key To Your Happiness In Someone Else's Pocket | alyssajfreitas.com

Happiness is yours, here and now, and it comes from YOU. Not from what happens to you, not from what other people do or don't do for you, and not from the crazy twists and turns that life throws at us. It all comes from you, so own it.

How do you derive happiness from yourself and not let others affect you?


Thursday, July 2, 2015

East Meets West

So, I love Bollywood. I absolutely, utterly, completely adore it! Whenever I hear of or see anything even remotely relating to Bollywood I am all about it. Today I'm sharing with you some East meets West videos I've seen recently and can't get enough of. Enjoy!

East Meets West | ayssajfreitas.com

My roommate from last year introduced me to this video (which is ironic because she's Indian and hates Bollywood. Go figure..). It is a Hindi version of Don't You Worry Child and it was seriously my jam during midterms (I've shared it on the blog before but I couldn't resist sharing again). I can't believe that is was filmed in Utah! How beautiful is the temple and scenery?


This video is by the ridiculously talented Kurt Hugo Schneider who brings together great artists to make incredible music. This is a mashup of Chaiyya Chaiyya which is a Shahrukh Khan song and Don't Stop by Michael Jackson that was actually filmed in India. 


You might have heard of Penn Masala because of their appearance in Pitch Perfect 2. They are a Hindi a cappella group which is perfection if you ask me. I'm including both their mashup of Tonight (I'm Lovin' You) and Dilliwaali Girlfriend as well as Manwa Laage which is one of my favorite songs from the Shahrukh and Deepika movie Happy New Year.  




What do you think of these East meets West videos? Are there any cultural videos you love? Share in the comments!

-AJF

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

When You Need Academic Help

Have you ever sat in class, staring at the board wondering what in the world is going on? You glance around the room and everyone else seems to be getting it just fine, yet you couldn’t even say what it is you’re supposed to be learning. Yep, I’ve been there. We’ve ALL been there (anyone who tells you different is probably lying). Sometimes you realize right away when you need some academic help and other times it’s far too late; like when you get a test back that counts for half of your grade and everything you thought you understood you apparently didn’t #beentheredonethat. Today we’re going to discuss how to identify when you need academic help, before it’s too late, and how to go about getting it.

When You Need Academic Help | alyssajfreitas.com

Do you need academic help?
I’m here to tell you that the first step is acceptance :) Truly though, it can be hard to acknowledge that you aren’t understanding something to the level that you need to, but totally necessary. I like to test myself by attempting to do my homework and assignments without consulting my notes to determine if I am getting at least a basic working knowledge of the material in class. If you find that you are struggling with your homework it is definitely a sign that you need some extra help.

Another way to assess your grasp on material is to discuss it with classmates. If you can talk through what you are learning with someone else it’s a pretty good sign that you are doing well. If not, it is a good idea to address it now.

With some classes you’ll be lucky enough to be given quizzes, which are a great indication of if you need help. If that’s not that the case then you should seek out assessments online or even create your own. Lots of textbooks have companion sites that have corresponding quizzes. Take the extra time and put in the additional effort now to save yourself later down the road.

Ok, so you need academic help. Now what? 
Let’s talk about your resources! You know how when you first started school someone told you a whole list of places you can go when you need help with x,y,z? Well, now is the time to put that to use.

Going to your school’s tutoring center or center for academic success can be a great way to get help in a course. The process varies depending on schools, but the first step is to show up and ask what you need to do to get some assistance. It can be slightly intimidating to do so, but just remember that we all need a bit of help every now and then. Better to work on it than get back a grade you aren’t happy with.

Another way to go about addressing your difficulty is to go straight to your professor. This is ideal when you have a specific question or concentrated area that you need clarified. Going to office hours or setting up a meeting is the best way to do this (check out my post about office hours etiquette here!). This is the method I most often utilize that I love not only because it is helpful to understand the material but also because it demonstrates your effort to your professor and gives you a great starting point to build a relationship. Hello letters of recommendations!

A third strategy is to form a study group or ask a friend who has already taken the course and done well for some assistance. Just be careful with this method and ensure that whoever you are going to really understands the class and can effectively explain it to you.

As hard as it is to admit when you need help, it is so beneficial when you get the right assistance as soon as possible! Best of luck with your upcoming semester and be sure to bare in mind these tips when class starts. I know it's summer, but it's never too early to start thinking about academics!

-AJF

This was originally a guest post on Sara Laughed.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Do Your Own Blogging Thing

I've always been pretty independent. When I was in grammar school I would do homework during recess instead of playing (#nerd and proud of it) and in high school I wasn't afraid to be obsessed with different books and movies and music than my peers. Yet when it comes to blogging, more often than not, I find myself wanting to follow the pack and I've come to realize this is the exact opposite of what you should do!

Do Your Own Blogging Thing | alyssajfreitas.com

There is so, so, so much pressure to "brand" your blog, turn it into a business, be a "creative" with digital products, etc. There are endless posts and advice about how to do more with your blog and use it as a platform to launch your empire in an oversaturated market. Even though some bloggers will tell you that there is room for everyone to be a big deal, I don't know if I buy that. We know that there is ruthless competition in every industry and we also know that not every venture is a huge success; why would we expect blogging to be any different?

As a woman who puts a ton of pressure on herself to be the absolute best at whatever I decide to, it can become very difficult to accept and embrace doing something just because I like it instead of doing it to be at the top. Recently I have been overextending myself with blogging, coupled with my other commitments, and losing the joy of crafting posts by being bogged down with promotion and networks and guest posting and toying with the idea of creating digital products and all the nine yards. At a point I felt like more of my energy was spent stressing about my blogging to-do list rather than enjoying creating.

When blogging is not your livelihood, you have to be able to understand that your reach and analytics won't be like bloggers who do have a business. As exciting as it is, you can't take every opportunity that comes your way, else all of your work will suffer.

Now, in the words of Alice (from the musical theater version of Alice's Adventures In Wonderland) "I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble that I'm always in." I know what I should do to make my life easier and blogging more enjoyable, but actually taking those actions is another story. Wish me luck with this!

How do you do your own blogging thing? Any suggestions for following your own advice?


-AJF

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Let's Talk Resumes

6 seconds. That is literally how long a recruiter will look at your resume. That being the case it is wicked important that you make your resume easy to read, clearly organized, and impactful. Whether you are a college student, new grad, or already established in your career, having a great resume is a must. Although I am no expert, I have done my fair share of research on the subject. Today I'm going to give you a list of the best resources I've come across to help you on your quest to have the best resume ever!

Let's Talk Resumes | alyssajfreitas.blogspot.com

So, a while back Career Contessa hosted a free webinar all about resumes. You were able to submit a resume to have it reviewed and luckily I got mine in early so it was included. You can watch the webinar here (and see if you can spot my resume!).



Now I'm going to give you a list of the best articles I've come across so that you can benefit too!


Wow, I've thrown a lot of resources at you! Your resume can really make or break you so it is worth it to spend time improving it and customizing it for each position you apply for. I hope this will prove valuable for you and would love to know how you go about making your resume better.

Any advice or tips? What has (or hasn't) worked in your experience?


-AJF 

P.S. Here is a really funny resume for Captain Jack Sparrow! I would love to walk into an interview and present this ;)

Let's Talk Resumes | alyssajfreitas.blogspot.com

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